Dear Readers,

As my link now appears on the web page of Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya (Universiti Hospital) it is therefore my fervent hope that with the creation of another blog by me entitled "My Journey with Mum and MDS", that my story may shed you some support and enlighten those whose loved ones and their caretakers are undergoing during this period of convolution.

However, please do remember that articles written by me are based strictly on my personal experience and the views expressed by me are strictly my personal opinion. Please DO consult the professionals in the field of medicine for verification and authenticity as I do not claim to be an expert in the field of medicine.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

MUM'S 1st DEATH ANNIVERSARY

Whilst we all returned to our normal routine after mum's passing away, I can't help but still continue to cry over the absence of mum in my life. I think about mum all the time and everyday it hurts to cry. How I miss mum's smile and our times together. The jokes we shared along with the laughter and sometimes the disagreement we had. I miss them all. Tears continue to fall constantly.

After mum's death, I felt so lost with the free time I had. Mum was not there when I returned home to the house in Klang. I ate alone at hawker's stall and shopped alone. Even mum's garden now stands alone. There's no one to nurture it. Mum isn't around to listen and share my joy or unhappiness. The roads that pass the hospitals bring back so much sadness.

At one point in time, mum was concerned and asked me how I would spend my free time if she wasn't around for me to pamper anymore and I couldn't answer her. I always knew that my mum possess the strong will power to fight against her illness and therefore the thought of mum not being around would not be happening.

It was hard for those who loved mum to just let her go. So many hearts were broken the day God came and took mum home. Each and every one of us was left to survive alone. Friends and relatives tell me that with time, I'll feel better. A friend of mine sent me this passage:

There will come a day when the tears of sorrow

will softly flow into tears of remembrance...

and your heart will begin healing itself...

and grieving will be interrupted by episodes of joy...

and you will hear the whisper of hope.


Words of comfort simply cannot meet the magnitude of my loss. In fact, with each passing day, I miss mum even more.

Today in remembrance of mum's first death anniversary, my family, my brother and his family together with my sister and my aunts and cousins gathered at the columbarium to make offerings and prayers to mum. There was a tinge of tears in each of our eyes as we recollect our special moments with mum. It's unimaginable that mum has left us one year already.

Time is too slow for those who wait

Too swift for those who fear

Too long for those who grieve

Too short for those who rejoice

But, for those who love, TIME IS ETERNITY.

Isaiah 54:10

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

15 comments:

Adelyn aka 淑婉 said...

Dear Ilene,

I'm truely understand how you feeling... as I'm miss my sister everyday too... I feel so lost and empty since she left us...

AnthonyLKK said...

Alas...life catches up on us before we know it....

Sometimes I wish i was back at 7years old.

Things are all wonderful, everything has been taken care of. Gatherings of events are organised by the adults.

I dont understand what was the "fuss" (everything)was about but now I slowly are able to pick up every little thing and the meaning behind it...

I sometime hear people say we never stop crying and mourning over.. "anything", it takes time for us to adjust back to the schedule..

We will always be yearning and mourning for the missing loved ones of our lives even when we thought we got over it.

Sigh how naive I was when I was a kid I wanted to grow up fast. Wish came true so fast before I realised it.

I cant find the best words to soothe the pain, but I can only wish and pray for better things ahead for all of us here.

In mourn we find the greater strength to do greater things for future and live the greatest for every moment of now.

We as human are very helpless at many times but God carries his work in miracle ways. We are often too myopic to see it.

We can only understand 1 thing for sure is that they have left the pain they endured and is now in resting peace with God.

Love,
Anthony

ilene said...

Adelyn, we both can understand the way we feel now that our loved ones have left us. I can only imagine how lost you're now that your sis is no longer around for you to pamper. But we should be pleased that both your sis and my mum are no longer suffering and are in a better place now.

You should now focus on your wedding and there's also your mum that you still have to care for. There's still a burden on your shoulder. You take care Adelyn.

ilene said...

Anthony, don't we all wish to turn back the clock. Indeed, we enjoyed our childhood days as we were carefree with no worries or responsibilities on our shoulders. Yes, when we were young, we admired the adults and now that we're adults, we admire the children! Life's a circle.

But as we grow older and wiser, we look at life from a different perspective. Between you and Lena, you both worry far too much. For now, you should enjoy what you're doing and make the best of it. Climb the ladder of success as far as you can go so that by the time you hit the senior citizen category, you can sit back and enjoy your rewards.

We always tell ourselves that we have to move on in our life but there are times when we just can't help but look back with fond memories of our happier days. So let us treasure those wonderful moments in our hearts forever.

AnthonyLKK said...

hehe didnt know Lena worry much too..you are right I was helpless to things ...many things...I have to keep telling myself I am only human..
sigh.

As for my job..thats another big story I can only say I want to sit back a little and enjoy a bit for now XD

A little too soon for me to be jaded? *shrugs*

Adelyn aka 淑婉 said...

Ilene & Anthony

I know my task now and the challenge HE give to me... although I'm still feeling lost and empty since she left us... I know she still want me to continue the task to taking care those beside us, my dad, mum, yangyang and others...

I dont call it burden, but its my obligations and responsibilties to take care of them....

Thanks Ilene... for your support.. I know I can do it... just i need sometimes times...

ilene said...

Adelyn, yes indeed, He will give you strength to carry on. I'm very sure your sis would want you to carry on caring for your mum and dad and Yang Yang. But I'm also sure she would also want you to take care of yourself and your husband too.

Do not rush yourself when looking into all these responsibilities that lie before you. Take your time and attend to one thing at a time. You need time to rest and rejuvenate your tired body Adelyn. It's alright to grieve and mourn for now. Give yourself that space before rushing into doing anything else. With time, things will eventually fall into rhythm.

Lena Lee said...

Sigh, totally agree, growing up is all stress. But it is also through these stress that we found love, and joy to life, tho many times, it includes saying goodbye.

such is irony of life~

miss you all

*muacks*

Adelyn aka 淑婉 said...

Ilene,

Yes, I really need a rest.. but sometimes i just cant stop thinking of her... I snap her photo when she was admitted hospital and when she was in unconscious. its was so near to me and just like yesterday...

Lena,

Lets come back next month, I'm sure we will have a great time to cheers up...

ilene said...

Lena, life's like that lor! Enjoy your uni days as there's no turning back. But we can look forward to more! Love you dear.

ilene said...

Adelyn, it's alright to think of your sis and recall back those precious moments spent with her. We'll cry a little, laugh a little and we'll forever tresure those wonderful moments.

Can email those photos to me ah?

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you. Remember, you have loads of good friends and a lovely family with wonderful siblings. That is such a blessing.

My mum would have you as a daughter any day!! :D

Ah Bee

ilene said...

Thanks Ah Bee. You have always been there for me and I'm truly grateful. I have always regarded your mum with high respect. Thanks for the words of comfort.

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